Sometimes we have to receive and accept criticism. Whether it’s a performance review from a parent or a coach, feedback can sting. I recall a coach who provided some negative feedback about my kid. I was struck by the way the delivery resonated more than the message.
Theodore Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And, as it turns out, there is a bunch of empirical evidence to back that sentiment up. When we compare ourselves to others, we lose focus on what’s important and fail to give ourselves proper credit. Certainly, social comparison is an innate human tendency, and whether it’s the wisest move or not, it’s a big part of the way we determine our own level of happiness.
We won’t allow failure, yet we are failing them. You see, I figure there are countless parents who could not bear the idea of their children getting a poor grade. They sit at the kitchen table and make sure the kid gets all the answers correct or that their project looks professionally done.
“You hear me, but you are not listening.” As the words came out of my mouth, I realized that I sounded like some version of my parents. My kids truly were not paying any attention to what I was saying. I received the teenage nods and maybe a grunt of acknowledgment, but I might as well have told them I was headed to Mars.
There was a recent sermon that used driving down Highway 1 in California as an analogy to life. The minister talked about the beauty of the ocean below and the mountains above. He likened it to the concept of soaking up life and living each day to the fullest.
I’ve had my share of prideful moments. I’m not referencing the kind of joy and pleasure that come from hard work and accomplishment. No, I’m talking about the prideful moments where I compared myself to others, self-promoted my loved ones to make myself feel better and put others down to falsely prop myself up.
There was a commercial in recent years where a father took his kid out camping and the kid’s eyes didn’t leave his device. The gist of the message is that the kid is missing out on the world and that he should simply pick his head up and look.
A few months ago, my family and I visited my mother in my hometown. One day, after running some errands, I returned to the house and plopped down on the couch next to my son. And, without hesitation, he launched into a long-winded monologue about a new game he had on his iPad. After a few minutes of listening to every painstaking detail about the game, I told him to put down the device and jump in my truck. He eagerly put the iPad down and seemed energized to spend some time with dear old Dad.
In her book, “Mindset,” best-selling author Carol Dweck does a remarkable job of providing empirical research about the two kinds of mindsets – growth and fixed.
Have you ever noticed how experiences are always enriched with loved ones? Travel, for example, can be mind-numbing and full of angst when you are alone. But, go anywhere with a significant other or your family and the whole vibe changes.
